Mailbox of confessions and mysteries of sex and answers

Buzón de confesiones y misterios del sexo I Sexualidad Carlos Pol Bravo. Revista Cromos
Foto: Redacción Cromos

Recibimos todas tus preguntas sobre el sexo a nuestro correo: cromoscom@gmail.com. Gracias por compartir sus misterios, aquí compartimos las respuestas dadas por el médico siquiatra y máster en sexología, el español Carlos Pol Bravo.

QUESTION 1:

Respuesta para la amable señora que felicita a Cromos por este espacio que hemos abierto, especialmente para las mujeres, cosa que es cierta, ya que ellas deben y pueden preocuparse mucho más por su sexualidad de lo que ellas mismas suponen.

Pregunta: Mi esposo fantasea mucho con que yo tenga relaciones con otros hombres, es más lo hemos hecho, pero me preocupa que esa fantasía sea lo que más le guste. Mis preguntas son: ¿es una disfunción? ¿hasta dónde puedo saber que esté bien hacerlo? ¿Se puede centrar nuestra sexualidad en eso?

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RESPONSE:

Obviously, if there is good intercourse, in a word, if there is good sexual relationship between them, that is, apart from fantasy, there is no sexual dysfunction here.The dysfunctions are specific and promptly when there is an alteration in the function of the cycle of the sexual cycle response: desire-excitation-organ, in man in erection and premature or delayed ejaculation and in women anorgasmia, difficulty of lubricatingor not lubricate.And I think, if they carry those relationships, there is no dysfunction here, as I have expressed.

On the other hand, ask that when she can know that it is well to do it.Well, it is a more humanistic question than a medical one, because whether or not doing certain things depends on personal freedom and precisely the sexual rights of humanity, which were proclaimed in the XVII World Congress of Sexology, of Valencia, Spain, where II was as part of the organizing committee, there was talk that beings have the right to live among them their sexuality, as long as there are no pressures, obligations, or any kind of vexations or actions contrary to the will of both and if she says that neverHe has forced her to do it, so it is a decision that is up to them as a couple.

Moreover, if they give them gratification, if they are the ones who have to live it, they can choose a path that goes to the sea or to the mountain, or why not?a few days to the mountain and others to the sea.It is a form of response.

Y el hecho de que si puede centrarse su sexualidad en eso.Aquí sí hay que aclarar un punto, porque, por una parte, dice que le preocupa que esa fantasía sea lo que más le guste. Evidentemente habría que responder que hay fantasías que son las que más gustan, pero hay que buscar que sean muchas.Estoy refiriéndome a las parafilias. Una parafilia es una alteración de la sexualidad en que existe un TOC —Trastorno Obsesivo Compulsivo— donde existe una específica y determinada forma de tener sexo y excitarse para poder tenerlo. (La mujer lubricando y teniendo orgasmo, y hombre con erección, orgasmo y eyaculación) a través de una sola forma de conducta y acto sexual. Vamos a poner un ejemplo para que se entienda.

El Hombre: solo se excita cuando la mujer tiene el fetiche de botas, o de ligueros o de ropa interior negra, y de lo contrario no se excita; o la mujer, como recuerdo un caso, donde su pareja debía ponerse unas botas, de lo contrario ella no tenía orgasmos. Menos mal parece que solo duró seis meses, justo el límite para que no se convierta en una obsesión.

If the dish is one more in the letter, that is not paraphilia;But if it is one and mandatory, it would be a paraphilia.

But if she has satisfactory sex with him, apart from being also in trios or similar situations, there is no paraphilia.

Por último, el aspecto de si “puede centrarse nuestra sexualidad en eso”. Otra pregunta que también es humanística y médica, casi psiquiátrica, porque al centrar algo en un solo punto, entraríamos otra vez en lo ya explicado, en las obsesiones o las parafilias, pero si es un enriquecimiento de la sexualidad, sin presiones de ningún tipo, como ella misma dice, no considero que sea de aspecto de parafilia o de obligación, porque ella misma lo afirma. Pero, no es positivo, que se llegara a centrar la sexualidad en ese punto únicamente. Ese punto sí lo dejo claro.

With this I hope I have answered.Good luck and good sex.

Question 2:

2. Aimed at the restless mother:

The problem she presents is that of the teenage daughter who seems to tend or has a bisexual trend, since she likes girls and boys;And what to do of her and how to address her the issue of sexuality with her because recently she told her that she liked men as women, that is, boys like girls.

RESPONSE

The orientation that can be given to the issue is that the trend is very current.In other times, taking out the tastes of sexual attraction on the same sex or of the two sexes was focused in another way, different and rigid.Currently, since the LGBTI are formalized and homosexuality or lesbianism are allowed social and I have said it, then I understand that bisexuality as such is a form of current and active sexuality, like so many others there are.And here we are not talking about polyamor or figures totally alien to the clinical reality of medical sexuality.

Thus, if you want to talk to her I understand that it would be valid and interesting to focus on things clearly, that, if there is a desire for the two sexes on her, to value it, study it and think about it because in principle it is not areason for trauma or depression;So it would only like girls, that she would be simply lesbian, that it is not a reason for pressure in society or in humanity.

Therefore, who speaks and more than terrifying, goes with immense tranquility because she is a 19 -year -old teenager who is about to have sex.It is better that she says: “My daughter, decides where you want to opt, both possibilities are valid, I am not going to attack you for any of your options or decisions you make.You are free to do it, today there are possibilities of bisexuality, it is a situation that we can consider it very usual. ”

Buzón de confesiones y misterios del sexo I Respuestas

I hope my words serve the restless mother.

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Question 3:

3. Otro interesante misterio por resolver, es el de una mujer que muy amablemente nos cuenta su problema. Habla que es mujer de senos pequeños y que su esposo siempre ha querido que los tenga grandes. Está considerando realizarse una mamoplastia para el aumento de estos y hay una preocupación en ella que es muy importante valorar porque muchas mujeres la tienen y es qué le puede pasar con sus terminaciones nerviosas, qué le puede pasar con su piel, con su área senso-perceptiva de la sexualidad y de la estética de ella por ser el punto de mayor excitación para ella en su cuerpo. Y tiene angustia que ocurra con ello al cortarle varias de sus terminaciones nerviosas.

RESPONSE

This is where we must clarify that, at no time, unless a surgical accident occurs or had a blow, at no time, in no surgery of this type, the increase of breasts, the nerves or the nerve endings are cut.

Aesthetic surgeries, I am not a plastic surgeon or my specialty, but I know of the subject enough to tell him that he can be calm because no nervous termination is affected by placing the implant because they do not touch or can make him lose his sexuality at any timeand feeling of pleasure in any area.

As for she wants to do surgery there we enter an issue that is not sexological and psychological.As she agrees, in the operation, that she does not allow at any time to impose it, to implant it for the pleasure of others.

With respect to the body of each person according to the human rights of sexuality, the second right is to autonomy, integrity, and security of the sexual body and says that: the body is of each person and traumas, or acts or acts cannot be appliedsituations contrary to his will.

But if she agrees for her own will and desire, then he operates.It is very important to assess that it is not the problem of nerve endings, but to assess that it is the one that is determined, and not by pressure, for induction, seduction or no other route, that the operation is carried out if it is not because you want itPersonally she.

Question 4

4- Respuesta a una encantadora dama, que nos habla de dudas sobre la sexualidad, y me encanta, que ellas se animen a contar sus cuitas, sus sentimientos, sus inquietudes, sus misterios, sus tragedias o sus alegrías, pues para nosotros es una posibilidad de colaborar, de potenciar y de alegrar y enriquecer más su sexualidad.

First question.This lady tells us about why the couple is not open to living other experiences?

RESPONSE

Man is not willing to live other experiences mainly out of fear.A fear figure precisely because of a lack of education in sexuality, of experience, generates the insecurity and possibility of his criteria, to lose the couple.

And if to all this is sometimes added, and very frequent, machismo;"She is mine" and I don't share her or because they look at her, obviously the figure of her is covered.

The man is not that he does not want to have experiences, what happens to him is that he is afraid and given the ancient transculturality that still lasts, everything must be said, fear, terror of imprudence to immorality, to vulgarity remains,And so perhaps the hopes of the wings to a woman who wants to fly higher or in another way that is also valid.

Why man in many times he cohazed in saying certain things in bed?

RESPONSE

Well, therefore, here the figure is very hard and clear.The man sometimes, but with people outside his couple, or before having his couple, he could have made sexual behaviors that he does not dare with his partner perhaps to what he considers a "delicate" pointwith her.

Error. La mujer no es “delicada”, una mujer es suave, sutil y sensible, pero además es sensual, no es la figura de la “delicadeza,” de la cuido mucho, aunque le pegue y le grite, pero yo sexualmente no voy a hacer ninguna vulgaridad con ella.

So here is the error of male sexual hypocrisy. Sometimes, it is inhibited in certain behaviors, which you consider with your wife you cannot;Example make a cunnilingus or make a fellatio, put on four, or do the truck, or play with more launched erotic games in the sense of imagination, with the strength of the power of sensuality, to reach an open sexuality.

There it is inhibited by what has been said before and above all here we are seeing the lack of education and confidence in sexuality.

Why sometimes you have no spirits of being with one?

RESPONSE

Well there if the question has two paths, first that sometimes man also has the right to say no, man also has the right to be tired, and want to avoid sexuality.

On other occasions it has no spirits for equis.Then we would also have to analyze more depth.Here is a reason for the challenge of the communication as a couple to talk these points between bedmates, among the most intimate sense of a couple.

Thus, this is my answer

A lot of success and good luck.

Question 5:

5 -Hay una interesante pregunta de un escribiente a nuestro Buzón de confesiones y misterios del sexo, que habla de: ¿es normal tener sexo con su pareja cuatro veces al día y así llevan dos meses de relación?

RESPONSE

Well, here it is to rely on the famous joke;When in Spain the young man leaves and tells the priest that he has had six orgasms in less than six hours and that he also expects another night of passion with two other ladies.The priest gets up and says: hear here he has confessed and not telling lies.

Then I begin with this just in case, because this mailbox is serious and this is really a rather rare situation, not impossible but doubtful that it is true in the way it raises.Four times a day, every day and they have been two months, that is, if a figure of 240, quite wonderful and erotic, is multiplied,

Happy they are, and it is normal, because sexuality and being young, even more, the fact for the response does not shock me.If they are 18-23-year-old young people, and they have to be older than 18 to be able to write, then perfect and if that is not, because that they refer to the cure joke.

Question 6:

Sexta pregunta, a una lectora que nos envía un punto muy interesante.

Good afternoon I would like to know a little more about what is the best way to please a woman?Lesbian couple.Thanks for the attention.

RESPONSE:

Obviously sensuality understands all forms of sexuality.By this I want to please a woman, be lesbian, bisexual, or heterosexual, has several ways to reach that maximum culmination of pleasure.

And to please it simply is sensitivity linked to sensuality, the imagination taken to the degree of maximum excitation, thinking of fantasies in memories, at times lived or wanting to live, to mentally excite the moments of caresses and the lesbian woman has a sensitivityVery great to be able to please in caresses mainly.

The areas that we can give as erogenous basic in women are not only the best known, read the nipples, read the area of the genitals, read the area of the clitoris, etc.

Hay otras áreas en lo que yo llamo LA GEOGRAFÍA DEL DESEO, que han descubrirse sobre la marcha con la comunicación y la complicidad entre la pareja, sean bisexuales, homosexuales o sean heterosexuales.

And this form of geography of desire, consists in looking for those corners that are not known and you have to discover them and can be behind the ear lobe, the backs in the middle zone through the spine, in the buttocks it seems a lie,But the caregivers and sometimes scratching a bit gently in them, it is a very punished area for being the pressure of sitting, but at the same time it has a great sensitivity to which it excites immensely.The inner face of the thighs, behind the knees, also seems something incredible, in the area on the eyes between the eyelid and the eyebrow, a subtle caress or also use a pen for the Carias.A bird pen can make songs as in the Greek times, because it increases sensitivity and sensuality.

They are also of course erotic toys, without a doubt today they are no perversion, or any denial, many of them use even in sexual therapies, as for vaginism and control of ejaculation in man.

By this I mean that all areas of the body are integrated into sensuality, to increase that sexuality.

However, we value that every moment must have its time, and that time is more than valid based on what is lived, and as you live with an excitement and integration, that pleasure is increased and maintained.

Searching as a last point of tips or suggestions, those unknown corners and discovering them between them, in addition to being an erotic game for both of them, is a suggestion to travel unknown paths.

I hope I have answered the question.

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Question 7:

Séptima pregunta que nos hace otra lectora: ¿durante la menstruación se pueden tener relaciones sexuales sin posibilidad de embarazo?

RESPONSE:

The absolute security of not getting pregnant is viable based on the elements used for contraception, that is, to avoid getting pregnant.

Consequently, the possibility is less than in situations when the woman is in a non -menstruation phase.

However, nobody ensures it, since there are cases that are results of sexual relations during menstruation.

Thus, the answer is short and practical, more than anything is prudent to trust reality and not of customs, and legends of the past, formerly that possibility was valid today at all.

Conservatives or gynecological control should be used for the area of anovulatory pills and thus have a pleasant, responsible and rewardingly lasting sexuality.

Good luck in the future and take into account the importance of pregnancy prevention measures.

Question 8:

Why does sexual desire increase during ovulation?

RESPONSE:

It is interesting question is to congratulate, because it is being aware of sexuality itself.Congratulations to who has done it.

The ovulation increases as in the case of the pregnant woman, due to hormonal activation, both in the pregnancy phase, where hormones are hyperactive in fetus formation, but acts throughout the area of female sensitivity, increasing high percentageSexual desire.

In this same way during ovulation, having an increase in hormonal activation, that sexual desire is superior to other moments of the normal cycle of women throughout their lives.

With this I think I have responded to this interest so interesting, happy afternoon and good sex.

Question 9:

To a 55 -year -old man who wants information on issues related to sexuality to the following question:

Why does my partner want to have sex frequently, but I don't have that same motivation and it's not that I don't like to be with her, nor do I have another separate relationship?But I would like information about it.

Appreciated reader above all I congratulate that a man, who is sometimes more difficult to write to this mailbox, telling his care and his concerns or mysteries that we can help him solve.

RESPONSE

To his question, it is quite clear and is a purely psychosexual aspect.Not all human beings, whether men or women, have the same sexual frequency, read, do not all have the same phase of desire or motivation, they or them, because sometimes it is completely inverse, who are the men who have great activitySexual and her partner, complains or does not understand because she does not have it.The same can happen here.

That you care about this point, apply that you have no other relationship, very valid and the information I can give you is that this frequency is different, it is not any problem, it is simply to accept a reality that is very usual, veryNormal, not everyone has the same speed in sexual criteria, but that maybe I can suggest, that with some more imagination, communication and complicity with it, to present certain forms of sexuality, to integrate into their batteries oferoticism or sexual behavior, integrate sex toys, which is not perversion, as I have already said on occasion, but that are therapeutic articles even applicable to treatments in medical sexology, because I understand that it is also a way that you get to joinIn this type of erotic games his imagination could be increased and put more at her level.

Feeling forced at no time is valid, at all and less for sex, I say that one of the worst enemies of sex is hurry and here applying it to your case, the rush would be to want to take another speed than yours.

I believe that the best communication between the couple, due to a trilogy that is well known of mine, education, trust and communication, as I say in the university's own classes, a couple that has education, has good communication and trust.

Apply these three and one more, the complicity and imagination to perhaps increase that desire or between the two, reach an agreement on a rewarding sexuality for both.

Happy afternoon and good sex.

Question 10:

Decima respuesta a una señorita que pone mil gracias a este buzón, que bueno que Cromos se preocupe por la salud sexual.

My consultation has to do with the stimulation to the clitoris, sometimes it happens to me that when I caress myself or my partner, it does not matter if it is with a previous game or not, before the feeling of pleasure, I have the feeling of roughness that does not reachBe pain, but it can be uncomfortable, what is it due and how to avoid it?

RESPONSE:

Thank you for your words to our mailbox, and answering your question: sensitivity has to be mainly produced by excitability.The greater the excitability there is greater erogenous sensitivity both in the genital and punctual areas and especially in the clitoris.

This wants to say that the speed can sometimes happen is the worst enemy of sexuality, in caress before having greater career pressure, there must be a figure of greater tenderness in the sensation of the touch of rubbing to the clitoris to get greater excitationof the area and specifically of the same clitoris, it may be the reason for that situation, since I am not sufficiently stimulated, and I mean that production of pain or that generation of pain by not being sufficiently stimulated by its level of excitation.

Therefore, I recommend, more caress and use language, use sex toys, use a pen for that clitoris to be much more excited and instantly that caress is stronger or direct contact, more positive and favorable at a level of a level ofsexual excitement itself.

A lot of sex and a lot of health.